Hard to turn the page, when you’re stuck on the last one. The moment I left her behind was the moment my life stood still, or should I say the moment I moved forward. I should have stayed in the moment. They say, “the best way to know what you have is not to have it anymore.” I say, “the best way to know what you have is to enjoy having it”. I listened to my stubborn mind instead of my understanding my heart. Now, I dwell in the loss of her gain. She always fought for us, but I was busy fighting for me, trying to understand what was no longer. “I am a husband,” which means I am no longer single. Self isn’t a priority when you’ve committed to taking care of another. I was so afraid of the emotions I felt for her, that I felt no emotions at all. I listened to the advice of maintaining a sense of self, when the only self that made sense was when I was with her. I can say, “There are more fish in the sea,” but I caught an endangered species and it was the last one left. “If it was meant to be it will come back,” more like, “It was meant to be and I turned my back.” I can’t blame God nor the Devil because I was granted “choice” and used it to give up on what was chosen. Didn’t know I was crawling and learning to walk. Didn’t know I was just living and she was showing life. “A person shouldn’t have to go through this,” here I am feeling sorry for myself. A person should have to go through this! They need a daily reminder of the pain of selfishness. They need to understand that happiness isn’t about searching for more, but realizing you have it all!!!!

17 thoughts on “Losing By Wishing

  1. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you lost someone that you regret losing. It really is a harsh slap across the face when you know you can’t even fix it …that you can’t ever get it back. Selfishness is one way or another is usually why we would lose someone in the first place. We are told to not allow ourselves to get lost in someone else. To still be true to who we are . But the only way I feel to do that is by losing yourself in the person that deserves it. Otherwise you are cheating yourself from experiencing that true connection between man and woman.

    But it’s also a great life lesson to be on the losing side. Because Noone truly wants to be on that side ever again. So they count this one as a loss. And yes you’ll remember it and regret it and apologize for it until to can’t anymore. But, you won’t make the same mistakes next time you catch an endangered species. Next time, you will have to truly let go of yourself and …allow them to catch you. And I’m so excited to see how that will effect your writing.

    Great post. Like always.

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    1. Thanks for the insight, this wasn’t about me. It’s about someone I knew that got caught cheating and his woman tossed him out. I was writing it from his perspective.

      I Agree that truly being with someone is losing yourself and gaining piece of someone else to replace that lose. You shouldn’t commit to a person you don’t believe will enhance your. You never put your heart into someone you won’t die for. People play a lot of games with others hearts but it’s not a game. It’s a faith and we should honor commits with all our breath.

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      1. Well that was well done. Well then I’m sorry for him. Because he made a poor choice. The grass is not greener on the other side. And sometimes we covet the “what if’s” … sometimes we dream of another or the attention feels good. But it’s not greener. I’ve never known someone to cheat and be happy about the outcome. Sure, you hear of it. Men or women marrying the person that had an affair with. But it doesn’t always go there and if it does, it’s not always successful.

        Especially if it was just for a piece of ass. Because, then that’s just sad to throw away …everything. ..for something so brief and meaningless. ..

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      2. I would tell him, ” you have a wife that Loves you and children that need you”. “You have the life I am still searching for, but you throw it away because you want to feel attractive to strangers. And you’re too insecure to be a great husband. She is going to leave you for a man, who teaches her Love and respect. She didn’t leave him, but he has been more responsible, actually, she cheated on him, just to feel comfortable being with him.

        I am the man that never cheated, respect my body (I haven’t had intercourse for seven years), I have great moral fiber. But, that’s not what women want to marry because they are used to being the ones with everything together. I watch women justify several of their man’s short comings. Just to stay, creating Love to be something we settle for. It breaks my heart. I told the guy I wanted his girl to leave him and she deserves better. I want her to know that, Love is blind faith. Trusting and admiring the man she is with….but they seem happy so I am happy for them. So, his regret happened for an instant and they reunited.

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      3. Well I guess if it worked for them and they are happy…then… that’s great. 7 yrs? Why? And how? Sorry… I don’t mean to pry… but that’s a long time. Women (and men too but mostly women) will put up with anything for a long period of time. They make excuses and do whatever they have to do to make themselves ok with staying. Lol that’s why I love that rkelly song “when a woman’s fed up.” Because, it’s true. . When she finally is fed up…then you can’t do anything about it. I have put up with so much crap in the past and stayed against my better judgement. But the moment I had enough. …no amount of pleading or begging or excuses or love was going to keep me. I was done. That’s just how most women are. That’s why when all my female friends/acquaintances come to me for advice… I try not to rip their man apart because she isn’t done with him yet. If she was, she wouldn’t need my advice.. she would’ve left him. I tell her exactly what the truth is…whether or not she or he is wrong and why. And tell her what she should do …. but I know she won’t take my advice. Because I’m on the outside and she doesn’t think I understand their specific situation. So I can tell you that he was wrong for cheating, if I were her I’d walk out. But I’d she’s not done with him … she doesn’t want to hear that. I always have to let people know “these are my opinions but it’s your life. You’re gonna do what you want. And I won’t be mad if you don’t do what I say, I won’t judge. But one day you’ll see I’m right and I just hope by then you haven’t invested to many years into him”

        Because we’re not getting younger. We shouldn’t settle. We should be happy with our lives and choices but so many people fall short .

        I just know women. I am one. I know how our minds work. I know what we are capable of. I can give. Women advice all day about themselves and I can give men advice all day about their women but I cannot understand men. I was told it’s because women make things complicated and men are simple. But I don’t think so because I know men that aren’t quite as simple. I’m dating one.

        To be honest. I think it’s your generation that is the best when it comes to men .

        I’ve dated men my age, younger, and I’ve even talked to a guy older. But if a man is 35,36,37,38,39 years old right now…
        That’s my favorite generation of men. For the most part you are thinkers. Dreamers. And you work hard and by far the most respectful to women. I obviously don’t know every man in that age group and I don’t know If it’s because of the generation you raised in or if it’s just the fact you’re in your late 30’s and that’s a good age. But my brothers are in their late 30’s and my boyfriend and his friends are and you are. I haven’t met a man yet in that age group that isn’t a great person to know. I don’t know what it is. And I could be sounding so stupid and not making any sense right now but…man I’ve met some different personalities but that generation always pleasantly surprises me … does that sound dumb? What am I even talking about anymore? Lol

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      4. She has three children with him and maybe doesn’t think she is equipped to handle them alone? Maybe she believes Love is deeper than acts of betrayal? Either way it’s the norm. I would rather be single, then to sleep in the same bed with someone whom betrayed me. Now, if a person got caught up and she told me about it, and it has been just a night….I can factor in her honesty and impulse. But when you have to find out on your known and it’s been going down forever, it’s done.

        I don’t have casual sex. So, I am waiting for someone that I can commit to before having intercourse. I don’t believe in law binding marriage, I believe in a spiritual bond of honoring one’s word, and once a give my body, that’s the commitment. So, I wait for my soul mate to capture my heart. I had a relationship with a woman in those seven years and I fooled around, just no intercourse. I have fooled around with my ex, just no intercourse. I am disciplined enough to follow my faith with blindness. In moments the thought pops in my head, I remember why I want to wait and don’t give in to temptation. By the way you’re not prying when asking questions. I told you I am an open book, but if something is off limits I will let you know.

        So, are you saying everything with women are emotionally driven? Because they have to be fed up to take a stand on moral principle. They have to wait for their feelings to subside before they can actually do what’s right for them? I do believe men can honor a code and live by it. I do think more men think the solution (logic) Over emotions. But, I do think that men get caught in moments more than women. Because they should use their emotions to make better logical decisions. Like, not destroying their family for one night stands or cheating just because they could, or coming home and sleeping in bed with a wife without being honest about the things they have done.

        I think it’s good that you advise your friends, though they will do what they want anyway, you should always give them a reference. A voice in their heads that reminds them, they deserve happiness. It’s always good that you are impartial. Look at it from both sides. Because they both may be slime, and deserve each other. I don’t think you should say it’s just your opinion, when something is conveniently wisdom. Meaning you know it to be true and they just don’t see it yet. A healthy relationships are a science, but people make it about variables.

        Men, my age has been typical raised by our mothers. So, we have more of a feminine component to us. We have a certain understanding about women, but so many uses that or should I say abuse that. They use it to get close to a woman then do all kinds of things. Men, in their 30 are typically ready to settle down though, so I guess that’s a good age to shop. And you’re not crazy, you are making sense. You should always be confident with your theories until someone shows a hole in them. You are smart enough, remember that.

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      5. Oh wow so this was something that wasn’t one time? Yikes. Then he would have to go. Wow. I couldn’t of stayed. Wow. That’s a lot of discipline. I understand that though… no casual sex. But to be in a relationship and have no sex. .. that’s an extreme amount of strength. I don’t know that I could be that strong. But that’s inspiring. I’m not saying everything with women is driven emotionally but typically they are more emotional than men and sometimes yes, maybe certain women more than others . I think women are capable of changing situations to fit their need. Like my sister, she’s with a man who has never worked and is approaching his 40’s or is already there… he has 3 children (one is by my sister as of 1.5 yrs ago). … my sister supports him financially. He is a dick, he’s a loser. And he cheats on her. Everyone including his friends have told my sister. But she won’t believe it until she walks in on him having sex with someone. She just refuses to believe it.

        Or the bible. People manipulate the words to fit into their lifestyle so that they feel better about their choices or their sin. It may say being homosexual is an abomination but it also says God is love and forgiving. Therefore it’s ok.

        You’re right, maybe it is the mother thing .

        Thank you 🙂 I appreciate the compliment.

        Sleep well?

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      6. He was doing it all the time, he would have videos of him sex women and showing it to the fellas. He would make it to me, I would say why are you disrespecting your wife like that; I don’t want to see that. I want to see pictures of your children and you and your wife having fun together. But, they will be another couple that said they been through the worst, so they Love each more.

        I have a strong faith….Love can’t be preach if I am making Love to every woman I encounter. If I am only dating you and we aren’t committed. I am not ready to have children with you, so why are we having sex without commitment to possibly have children.

        Your sister’s self esteem is low. She does want to strive for better, so she calls comfort Love. She deserves what she allows to happen to her. As far as her taking care of him, men have taken care of women before, why not reverse it? If that’s what they agree upon, then that’s the foundation of their relationship. If she complains, but stay, she deserves what she gets….that’s the truth of the matter.

        I don’t believe being homosexual is a sin. I do however believe stay in a bad relationship is a waste of life. Relationships will get hard through life, but it shouldn’t be hard do to selfish independent decisions.

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  2. This is well put together! Selfishnes certainly destroys relationships…

    On the other note: I liked your old site design better. This one is a little confusing, plus the writing comes on a bright blue background and it’s hard to read (or my eyes are bad…)

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    1. But we preach “to each her/his own” and “we should push our beliefs on others” but what we learn we should share. There is an art of sharing it, but it should be shared. Relationships should have a foundation of right and wrong….

      I changed the site because I decided to put pictures up and it’s more picture friendly. You are the second person that said the writings is hard to read, so I will adjust that. What’s so difficult about the site????

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      1. Picture friendly doesn’t always work because if you add a picture with a low resolution than it gets distorted when it comes up as a header, and that causes a counter-effect especially on a desk computer screen. I think it’s good that you now use photos but your blog is about writing and those big pictures somehow seem to take over, and then that bright blue background…. That’s my honest opinion!

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      2. Your pictures are beautiful and they are a continuation of your words! What I meant to say is that your current theme is not that good because it makes small size pics distorted… But definitely continue with the pics, just maybe consider a different theme.

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